Independence vs Interdependence

a passage from the book Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas

Men tend to view independence as a sign of strength, maturity, and 'manhood.' Interdependence is more than a long word - for men it is often a bitter pill to swallow, a sign, even, of weakness.

While this sense of independence may be culturally celebrated, it is NOT a biblical truth. It needs to be critiqued using the framework of the nature of God. While it is true we must be willing and unafraid to stand alone, if need be (consider Jesus on the cross), it is even more true that the movement of God is a movement toward people, even sinful people. The reason Jesus stood alone was so that others could be brought near to God. In essence, he stood alone in order to gather his children to himself. His solitary act was a radical statement of the importance of community. If we desire to be remade in God's image, we will be molded in such a way that we move towards others.

In fact, for most men, the flight from others is an act of cowardice, not courage. A man can't handle a maturing relationship with a woman around his own age, so he divorces his wife and marries someone the age of his daughter in a futile attempt to preserve his 'power'. Another man is unwilling to face the fact that his wife is not his 'mother', but a partner who expects to receive as well as to give, so he sulks and gives his wife the silent treatment, rather than own up to his own sense of neediness. Still other men may be unwilling to enter the 'give-and-take' required of a complementary relationship, so they ignor their wives and throw themselves into their work - where they are always in charge and where their subordinates must bend to their will.

These are not profiles in courage; they are monuments of male shame.

When God calls me to continually move toward my wife, he is calling me to shape myself into HIS very image!

Sacrifice has taken on such negative connotations that people fear being a 'codependent' more than they fear being percieved as selfish!